I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
