Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
