I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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