Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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