i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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