I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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