I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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