i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
