remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
