garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
