We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
