Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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