he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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