you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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