So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
