I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
