I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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