I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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