She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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