Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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