Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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