I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
