i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
