I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
