3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
