yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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