i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
