Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
