I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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