I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
