All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
