Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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