she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
