i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
