So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
