new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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