He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have fence marks all over my body
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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