i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
