how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
