she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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