no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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