someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
