Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
