oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
