Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
