Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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