I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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