i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
