I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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