you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Never underestimate the power of titties
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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