Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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