After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He better not be in your backpack
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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