The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
