So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
